I'm Not Perfect.

I'm naturally competitive.

It's just the way I am. Whether I'm playing a sport, or taking a test, or comparing myself to others, I'm constantly wanting to be better. Sometimes it can be a good thing. It helps me strive to be better and better. But- it can also be my downfall.

Sometimes I get too caught up in being the best, and perfect, that I lose myself. I start inwardly insulting myself over and over again, until the point where I'm doing things I shouldn't in order to be the best at whatever I'm doing.

So where does God fit into all of this?

See, that's the thing. He doesn't.

When I get into my "competitive mode", I sort of shove everything else aside. Even God. Especially God. Because I know that when I'm in this really good place with God, I can't do the things I want to do because guilt eats at me constantly.

I know I need to change. And I'm working on it. I have to focus on being happy with the way God made me. My personality, my body, my IQ. I have to be content with it. There's nothing wrong with striving to be better, but when it comes to the point that I'm leaving behind my set of morals, I know it's time to take a step back.

Part of the reason I'm so competitive is because- it's what people expect of me. People expect me to always look great, get good grades, be a "good" person, because that's the reputation I've built for myself. But the thing is, I'm not perfect. I don't always look beautiful, I don't always get an A, and I'm certainly not always the role model person. But no one really is.

I know I need to turn to God, and ask for forgiveness for the things I've been doing.

Choir Banquet (:

It's hard to believe my freshman year in high school is almost over. It seems like just yesterday I was worrying about finding my classes the first day, and getting used to my new teachers, finding a place to sit at lunch, etc. I think each year of our life helps form us into the person we become- and this year changed me a lot.

One of my constants this year was Choir. Some of my very best friends are in Choir, and I know I'm going to continue to grow closer to these people for the next three years of my life. I'm so grateful for all the experiences I've had, all the laughs, all the tears. It's been unforgettable. And now that Choir Banquet is over, I feel like my whole year is too.

Before the banquet. (:
Rojean, Katie, and Cammie! Crazy, amazing girls.

Some of my very best friends, Catherine and McKenna.

Reasons to Pray?

Prayer is so beautiful.

I mean, when you really think about it? Being able to talk to your Creator, the one will loves you no matter what, who will never leave you- anytime you want? That's huge. And it's amazing.

A friend and I were together the other day and started talking about prayer, and all the ways that it's important to us. We talked about how comforting it is to know that when you pray about your friend who's hurting that there's actually someone there listening to You. We talked about how astounding it is that we can talk to Jesus, just like we talk to our best friend. We talked about how undeserving we are, that he actually wants to hear what we have to say. We talked about how loved we feel, when we know that when we are hurting or have a problem- He cares.

But you know what we didn't talk about?

We didn't talk about listening to God.

Which is huge.

How are we supposed to know God's will for our lives, if we don't listen to what He has to say? Think about it. He already knows what's going to happen to us in advance if we choose to do what He asks- or if we choose to do what we want.

And you know what?

God's way is best. Always.

Even if His will for you makes absolutely no sense at all. Maybe at the moment you're confused and hurting and you think that this situation has to be done THIS WAY, or no way at all. Because, that's the only way it's going to work, right?

Wrong.

He knows best. And He actually wants the best for YOU.

So next time you sit down to pray, make sure you set aside some time to listen. Maybe God's got something to say too.